


And All the Blood I Lost with You [It drowns the love I thought I knew]

by VT_Mex_Potato_02



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: But this is more about Emma, Gen, Other character mentioned but no mention of their names, SQ if you squint, Snow and Charming are in it too but for like two seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 04:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VT_Mex_Potato_02/pseuds/VT_Mex_Potato_02
Summary: "Half of the town is waiting for you to walk down a perfectly decored aisle that will take you right to your happy ending, begining or whatever that they want to call it. The same town that still sees you like this powerful being who will save them everytime that their own happy endings are about to be destroyed. The same town that still sees you as their savior. Nothing more, nothing less."An Emma instrospection inspired on the song "My Blood" by Ellie Goulding.





	And All the Blood I Lost with You [It drowns the love I thought I knew]

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is my first work, and it came to me the night before JMo anounced she's leaving de show, so this is kind of my "Good bye" to her character.
> 
> Also, English is not my first language (Viva México, ajua!) so if there's any typos or mistakes please let me know in the kindest of ways you are capable.
> 
> Thanks and I hope you like it :)

_Take a deep breath._

_And another._

_And another one._

_And one more._

You've been at it for fifteen minutes now and for fifteen minutes you've been trying to hold on and to not fall apart.

Funny thing is, it feels like it's been longer than that.

Your face in the mirror only reminds you of that of a scared little girl in one of those shitty foster homes, with tears streaming down her face and a quivering lip. But there's no tears now. There's no quivering lip. You've learnt to mask and hide all of those things troughout the years. Fourtunaly or unfourtunaly, you don't know.

Half of the town is waiting for you to walk down a perfectly decored aisle that will take you right to your happy ending, begining or whatever that they want to call it. The same town that still sees you like this powerful being who will save them everytime that their own happy endings are about to be destroyed. The same town that still sees you as their savior. Nothing more, nothing less.

_Savior._

_Princess._

_White Knight._

_Dark One._

(You vaguely think of a " _Pretty blonde distraction_ " thrown into the mix of your titles but you push it aside for your own good).

You had to be all of those things for the town, for your family, but you start to realize that maybe never for yourself.

Never for Emma Swan.

And now there's not going to be an Emma Swan. You're going to be someone's **wife**.

You know what? Throw that one into the mix too, please.

Your heart beats faster and faster with every hard breath you take, making your blood rush through your ears and making you dizzy.

Your body buzzes with that old feeling of wanting to run, wanting to get far far away from the commitment and the responsabillity and the expectatives and basically of everything that this town contains.

Well, almost everything.

Because this town has your son in it too, your parents, that maybe try too hard sometimes but they _TRY_. And some more people who don't make you feel like running so much.

_Mother._

_Daughter._

_Sister._

_Friend._

_Sheriff._

That's a list that yes, makes you feel a bit scared sometimes but not "bad" scared, but the kind of scared that doesn't let you take things for granted, that makes you try harder and that brings the best of you out for the people that you love.

But then again, you're doing this for them, and if you think too deeply, you're doing it for you too. To prove something to yourself. And even if you try to be blind at it for a little while longer, you know that you have to allow yourself this moment of truth. Just this moment.

You think of brown eyes and short hair. Of long looks and lost moments in between the fucking weekly chaos of this town. (Really, didn't Rumple worked his ass off with the Dark Curse because portals were so freaking hard to create? (But then again, so is dead to cheat))

You also think of your mother's hopeful eyes at the prospect of you finding your perfect prince, just like her, even before she knew who you were and who she was and she was encouraging you to take a chance on Graham.

Your father and his evolving relationship with you boyfr- fienceé. And how he has managed to create a frienship with a man finally.

And really, who are you to take away hopeful eyes and emotive talks between men?

The kid comes to mind, but he seemed rather indifferent towards his future step-dad's dissaperance.Your poor kid has become used to losing far more important things.

Like his real father.

Just the trough of him makes you feel like someone's squeezing your heart with a cold fist and you have to remember yourself that he's in a better place now. 

And maybe if you do this, if you marry _him,_ you'll be able to give your son something solid, something to hold on to, something that you couldn't have at his age but that you craved with everything that you had.

A part of you fights you on this, tells you that he already has something solid: Not one, but two mothers who love him more than anything, that would die and would kill for him without hesitation. That he, and you and _her_ could be more than enough for each other. If you just took a chance-

Someone barks a laugh outside and brings you back to yourself.

To this you.

The one standing in a dress that feels so far from right and with your fists clenched.

You start to feel some extra pressure in your left hand on one particular spot of one particular finger, the ring making itself noticed, like if it's trying to remind you what exactly it's about to happen.

It's not that you don't love him, you kinda do, but it's not the type of love that was destined to be this way, the clingy kind of love, the one that makes you do insane things without consideration of anyone, not even the object of your supposed love.

And maybe if he had changed for himself, if he had done all that he claims he did, for himself instead of you, maybe this wouldn't feel so... forced. Maybe he could have opened himself a pat into your heart.

(But problem is, that's a pat that someone else had already opened by the time he even tried his first move on you)

The thing is, in some secret, dark and deep corner of your heart, you are very aware that this feels like a responsibility. After all, you're the savior, the one who's supposed to bring back everyone's happy endings, and didn't he said that you were his?

You know that slowly, step by step, you're losing yourself, losing the fire that made you want to stay for your kid, the fire that helped you slay a godamn dragon, that pushed you on Neverland. All because it's so much easier to just let him do the talking while you just go along clinging to his arm, it's less tiring. And honestly, you're exhausted.

But you also know that it's too late to back down now, that you have to go through with this, because you feel like everyone's going to leave you and toss you aside otherwise.

You watch your face transform from fear to determination.

Your parents slip inside quietly, both with big smiles on their faces, and they come close to you to give you a kiss on the cheek each. You smile at them, pretend for their sake... And yours too.

Your father goes to your right, your mother to your left, and the three of you start walking.

And maybe this will be enough, maybe in a few years you'll finally let go of that fantasy of a life in which you wake up every morning to a pair of brown eyes, a rich smile, a soft _"idiot"_ filled with affection everytime you do something you shouldn't have or something stupid.

Maybe in a few years from now, he'll be everything to you like you are everything to him, or you'll be able to say " _I love you"_ to him without feeling wrong in a lot of ways.

Maybe this life will be enough.

* * *

 

 

It won't.

And worst part is...

... You know that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
